to say our goodbyes to a loved one.
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| img src: susannah conway |
we had to have a talk with mack about what happened to her great grandma and explain the situation as she is coming to the service on the weekend and we wanted her fully prepared. we also thought she was old enough to understand some of the basics of what happened and we didn't want to have her asking about great grandma and not knowing what had happened. she seemed to handle it all pretty good, better than i did in fact and seems to be happy in the fact that we told her that great grandma will always be in her heart and she can think of her whenever she wants to and feel her close to her.
teaching a child how to grieve or say goodbye is new to us. we have been fortunate in our lives to have not lost too many loved ones so this is all a learning experience for us to go through with our children. i'm not sure if the finality of it all has sunk in to mackenzie but she seemed to grasp the concept that great grandma was sick and is now no longer with us. she asked to bring a flower to the memorial so she could say goodbye. sweet little thing she is. brings tears to my eyes. i feel so blessed to have gotten to know my hubbies grandma as she was a wonderful woman. i also feel blessed that the sewing desk that i sew on everyday was hers and was given to me by her. i think of her often while sewing and have some of her old patterns and a notebook with her handwritten notes/patterns in. i will treasure them always.
i'm wishing you all a very peaceful and reflective weekend filled with your loved ones. happy creating and making and i'll see you on monday :)
anyone have any tips to share on how to talk to children about the passing of a loved one? how to handle the service? or what you have done to help them deal with the situation? what are your weekend plans? what are you all up to?
p.s. have you entered the glerup slipper giveaway yet? seriously..don't miss this one...the best slipper ever!!
Aww Shannon this is a lovely post. <3 What a sweet little girl Mackenzie is.
ReplyDeleteI have only lost one family member - an aunt -since my girls have been born and they never met her; they love their great-grandparents and it will be really hard when the time comes to have that conversation.
No real plans here as hubby has to stay for inventory over the weekend. Just more knitting and probably some baking.
I hope you are able to enjoy the time with family remembering what a great lady his Grandma was and I'm sure you will do her memory proud.
Bless you all.
Warmest thoughts to all of you this weekend. We had to say goodbye to my grandmother this fall. My husband did a lot of explaining to our 4yo about death, but I'm not sure how much sank in.
ReplyDeleteOur weekend is planned to be very quiet - library, groceries, snuggling in warm blankets while it rains outside, and weekly skating lessons on Sunday.
We haven't had anyone close die in several years but my daughter has heard of other friend's grandparents passing, etc. In the past year or so, she's mentioned it a few times as something scary. We try to present death as just a part of life. And we believe in heaven too so we taught her about that, depends on your beliefs though. I wish your family a peaceful weekend.
ReplyDeleteLovely and thoughtful post.
ReplyDeleteWeekend plans...This is hub's last free weekend for a while(next week starts a month of overnight rotations at the hospital) so we're going to try to make the most of it...
Hugs to you and your family. xo
we lost my cousin last july and aunt in october. i was very close to both of them, and still feel their loss. my son was 5 then and he knew they were sick. we explained they are now very close to Jesus and that we say special prayers for them at mass/funeral and other places so that they can get even closer to Jesus and then when they are so close to Him, they can ask Him to keep us blessed...he liked this alot and every so often says it to his little sister.
ReplyDeletewill keep you all in prayer...hugs
Both my husband and I lost a grandfather this fall and my 5 year old (and 2 year old!) attended both a traditional Catholic funeral and a memorial service. We told my 5 year old that his great-granddads were in Heaven and that they could look down and watch out for him. He didn't seem to understand much, but mostly reacted to the adults he know well crying at the services. Seeing his parents and grandparents cry was much more disturbing to him and something I didn't think to prepare him for beforehand. Well wishes and prayers for your family has you remember your loved one this weekend. The services brought much peace for my family and I hope it does the same for you!
ReplyDeleteMy grandfather passed away this week and we have a funeral too. So sad to see them go but it's nice to think of them wihtout the burden of an aged body. I like to think of my grandfather cracking jokes wit hthe family that went before him! I was concerned about talking to my girls too and in fact we visited my grandfather a few days before he passed and I was worried about that, but I explained he was as old as you can get and talked to them about our faith and beliefs and they didn't seem upset at all by it. I wondered if it might be healthy somehow to learn about the cycle of life younger so it seems more a part of the natural process? My wishes for a family and love filled weekend as you remember.
ReplyDeleteMy grandma just passed away this month also and we got to explain death a little bit more to our kids. We explained to them that while we may see her body in the casket, her spirit was up in heaven. We also tried to prepare them for seeing other family members crying. We had to explain that we are sad because we will miss her and that makes us cry but we were also very happy to know that she wasn't in pain anymore and she got to be with grandpa again and when we die we will get to see her again. They got it mostly. My 4 year old just wanted to know why she died. It's a tough thing to go through. Hope you enjoy the weekend remembering her life.
ReplyDeleteI lost my father two years ago when my oldest was 5, I lost my younger sister this summer and my grandmother this fall. Thus the silence on my blog.
ReplyDeleteMy kids think every time we go on a trip it is because someone dies. It is hard, really hard. I'm not sure we have said or done the right things. Is there a right thing to say or do? Our kids have had to attend these services with us as they have been out of town and I won't leave them with people I'm not close to. We've simply said they went up to heaven. Their spirit left their body, but they are still well and are now looking down on them. They can talk to their grandpa, aunt, grandma and they will hear them always and are always looking out for them. That they are lucky to have angels watching over them. At the same time I try not to bring it up or talk about it unless they bring it up first. I feel like our children think that people die easily and often because of the two years we have had (and especially the last 6 mos).
Before the services we also tried to prepare them that people would be crying and very upset. I told them not to be scared, that Mommy and Daddy were there (I did my best to hold in my grief) and that people were sad because they missed grandpa, auntie, grandma...
My grandmother's service, although still difficult, was the easiest and more like a celebratory time as she was 90 and led a long life. It is much easier to come to terms with the death of a loved one when they have had a long life. I hope it will be the same for your hubby's precious grandmother. My father was 60 and my sister only 24 so those funerals were much harder to have our children attend.
Big hugs to you Shannon this weekend!
I am sorry to hear of your loss and hope that you are able to share some happy memories with your family this weekend.
ReplyDeleteMy boys who were nine and six this fall, had to deal with the loss of their Grandmother who was only fifty-something. We talked about her going to heaven and that she is likely watching over us as we go about our daily routine. They did attend the funeral, it was a Catholic mass and there was no casket as she was cremated. This was very different for me as most funerals I have been to have had open caskets.
We also read a story called "Henry and Harriet - A hopeful story that validates the feelings of children when someone dies." written by H.C. MacArthur and published by More than words - Ontario. It was first published in 2007. The story is about two caterpillars who met and came to love each other very much. One day, Harriet was gone - then Henry found her empty cocoon and he knew that she must have become a beautiful butterfly......My boys are at a stage where they were able to relate this to the idea that your body stays behind when you die, but there is something else to move onto. They talk about how hard life was at first for Henry and that he had lots of questions, then discussed how although he still missed Harriet, he tried his best to enjoy life with his friends and family because he knew that Harriet would want him to be happy...
As a parent, I found this book very helpful. It has excellent illustrations ans is very well done. Perhaps you might be able to find it at your local library.
This week, a nine year old girl who was in the same grade as my eldest son at his school was killed in a terrible car crash, I was very impressed at how both of my boys dealt with this. The cutest discussion was around the weather. My eldest didn't think it quite right that the sun came out bright and strong on the day of her death. My youngest, who is seven now, piped up and said "maybe that means she is in heaven". How very fitting...
Try your best to enjoy the happy memories with your family this weekend,
Hugs, Shanna
The only loss that we've had thus far is that of a dear pet, but the love from a child is the same - be it human, animal or favorite toy because they don't distinguish the same way adults do - they simply love. Abby was our cat who had cancer and passed on. Hobbit was devastated - she was 5 at the time - and Peanut was completely gutted - she was 17 at the time. We sat them both down and talked about how Abby was sick and God didn't want her to be in pain so he took her home. Now, Abby's spirit lives in their hearts. She also plays in the clouds of heaven and watches over them to make sure they are happy. They know she is just as lively and playful as she was before the cancer. This was almost 2 years ago, even now when Hobbit looks at the clouds, she'll see one that looks like a cat and tell me that Abby is out playing today.
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